Cats

Heard on the ask-a-vet call in show on public radio:

Caller: My cat wakes me up every morning at 4:00 or 5:00. Why does he do this/how can I make him stop?

My answer: Because he is a cat and therefore evil. The only way to make him stop, and then only temporarily, is to violently throw him out of the bed. After a week, though, he’ll forget, and return. Cats are dumb as well as evil.*

Real vet’s boring answer: try throwing a shaker can toward, but not at [for heaven’s sake, I say throw it right at him!] the cat. Don’t get up and feed him or put him outside, thereby rewarding his behavior [duh!].

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Caller: My 19 year old cat suddenly just wants to sleep all day, and to hide. Do you think something’s wrong?

My answer: Your cat is like 153 in human years; it’s going to die. Better attach a GPS monitor so you can find it when it’s both hidden and dead.

Real vet’s boring answer: could be a number of things, better have a vet check him out.


*After many years, my cat has managed to retain the knowledge that he’d better come to my side of the bed, not D’s, in the middle of the night. The only time he will snuggle with anyone is at 3:00 a.m. I used to know when fall had arrived, because he’d abandon the relatively cool kitchen floor for our bed and its blankets; that system has been completely messed up by the arrival of the dog, and the fact that she owns the kitchen at night. Now, even when it’s 90 degrees, I get a 12 pound fur blanket. Ever have that dream where you can’t move your legs? I get that one a lot.